As a divorce recovery coach for professional women over 50, there is a common theme I see in all of my clients. I bet you fall into this category, too!
- You’re hard-working and dedicated to the profession you chose.
- If you’re retired, you most likely had an incredible career that you’re proud of.
- You care deeply about your work and your coworkers.
- You’ve sacrificed a lot to get to where you are. Sometimes you look back wondering how on earth you managed to climb the professional latter and run the household.
But now that you’re divorced and over 50, you may struggle with finding that balance between work and your personal life.
You may feel on top of your game at work, or you did before you retired, but the moment you log off or come home, you struggle with feeling lonely, bored, and frustrated that you can’t be the same confident woman at home post-divorce that you can whenever you walk into the office.
Here’s the good news though.
If you are over 50, you can easily feel confident outside of work. Here’s how.
You’ve been working for decades most likely. Seriously. I want you to step away from the computer and think about where you were at work 20-30 years ago, and where you are right now.
Whether you were a teacher trainee, a bright-eyed new real estate agent, the rare female intern at the male-dominated company, the brand-new nurse on night shift, or anything in between, take a moment to reflect on the following:
How much experience and insight have you gained since you started your career decades ago?
How many lives have you changed and influenced for the better at your workplace?
What barriers did you knock down – whether they were cultural or psychological – to get to where you are?
How has your hard work and brilliant mind set you up for the financial security you’re feeling now?
When you reflect on this path, you should be able to list quite a few things that you’ve accomplished.
Whether it’s the fact that you’ve closed over $5 million in home sales in the past two years, or helped your students get into the college of their dreams, or you managed to keep your VP out of hot water (again) – every day at work you are using your skills, work ethic, and all-around incredible character to make life better for people.
If you’re 50 and better, you have probably faced similar challenges that you overcome without even thinking about it. You may not have known the good you were creating when you were younger at work, but take a look back and see how far you’ve come.
Now that you have those years and that experience under your belt, actively reflect on (and give yourself credit for) the fact that…
- You are a role model for the young people who look up to you.
- Younger colleagues are watching you and want to ask you all the questions about how you became as successful as you are.
Your strength and determination and courage at work did not come easy. But the fact that you’ve earned them is what gives you the confidence in the workplace that you may be lacking at home.
Your work self and your home self are the same person. It’s time to start acting like it. Navigating the highs and lows of your career is what gives you professional confidence. You already have the skills to be and feel confident in your personal life.
But it takes a simple mindset shift.
Reflect on the following things when it comes to your personal life.
What are some difficult things you have managed in your personal life that you never would have imagined 20-30 years ago?
Those events could be a life-changing illness, raising children, a loss in your family. And yes, your divorce.
What did you learn about yourself from those events that made you stronger?
How did those lessons make you more resilient?
What did you face and overcome during that life event?
And here’s the most important step of the process.
How will you embrace those personal challenges you’ve overcome?
Because once you embrace them and give yourself credit for the grace and determination you have shown in your personal life, the faith in yourself comes. It may be a pebble here, a pebble there. But the more you acknowledge your strength, the more assured you’ll feel when it comes to making decisions in your personal life.
The more assured you feel, the less self-doubt you’ll have.
The less self-doubt you have, the more confidence you gain.
And those bits of confidence you collect and care for – like a beautiful garden you tend with sunlight and water – will build overtime to the feeling of…
- And the knowledge that you can do damn near whatever you want, and nobody is going to stop you.
But it comes from acknowledging how far you’ve come. How courageous and persistent you’ve been at work and at home. And giving yourself the grace and credit you deserve.
Now it’s your turn!
What are you most professionally proud of after decades in the workplace? Do you struggle with confidence at home, whether you are retired or just at the end of a day at the office? If so, what will you do to bring that work confidence home with you at the end of the day?